Elementary school teachers deal with a lot of crap. Let’s get that message out there. In a normal California classroom, there are at least eighteen to twenty students per teacher and to be in charge of that many kids or more, day in and day out, with all their various personalities and immature actions, I don’t know or understand why anyone would want to do that. On top of having to deal with disciplinary and behavioral issues, there’s the fact that they have to deal with unpaid labor: having to make lesson plans, grade essays and homework, deal with parents with sometimes irrational complaints and requests, the list just goes on and on.
Image from Dumpaday
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If you’re a teacher, especially a teacher for students with special needs or an elementary school teacher, I have to first applaud you because you’re a saint.
Teachers are one of the most underpaid, unappreciated, and untreated employees.
And today, I want to talk about the plight of elementary school teachers and why I admire them.
Elementary school teachers deal with a lot of crap. Let’s get that message out there. In a normal California classroom, there are at least eighteen to twenty students per teacher and to be in charge of that many kids or more, day in and day out, with all their various personalities and immature actions, I don’t know or understand why anyone would want to do that. On top of having to deal with disciplinary and behavioral issues, there’s the fact that they have to deal with unpaid labor: having to make lesson plans, grade essays and homework, deal with parents with sometimes irrational complaints and requests, the list just goes on and on.
Here’s my experience being a tutor/teacher for a year and why it drove me nuts and finally to the brink of quitting.
1. Germs, germs, germs
Image from Boredpanda
I’ve been told that the first five years of any teacher’s career is a time when their immune system is the guinea pig to all the different flu and sickness seasons of the year. Kids are dirty–well, not like…you know what? I won’t even beat around the bush.
They’re gross.
Here’s what may cause a chain of screaming: They place their backpack on the ground. Then they set it on the table. Now, whatever’s on the ground is now on their desk. Then they put food on that same surface and then pick it up with their grubby, unwashed hands and then eat it. Mhmhm, delicious. You might as well have licked that cookie off the ground, Mikey.
Money is important right, folks? When you pay for a service, you want every dime to be worth it. I get it. But, when you’re sick, should you really, really be at a public place to get your money’s worth while risking other people’s health? Do other people getting sick make you feel better about that few bucks being saved?
This one kid came to my tutoring workplace with pink eye. Her private tutor noticed and asked her, “did you go to school today?”
“No, my parents thought it wasn’t a good idea to go to school like this.”
“But it was a good idea to come here with pink eye?”
“I guess.”
I guess?!
Lord, have mercy!
Pink eye has a 24 to 72 hour incubation period. I do administrative work in the same classroom that that private tutor and student have their lessons in. After two weeks, guess what happened? Yes, I and a family member both had pink eye. Oh and that private tutor too!
I just wonder how on earth did we get it?
I missed out on a whole week’s worth of pay because I didn’t have to guess whether I had to go to work or not with pink eye. You’re welcome, tutoring center. I saved your business and all those other kids for you.
Another time, I had a student who seemed as though she was about to cough out her lung at any given moment. She wore a mask and was half asleep most of the time because the medicine she was currently taking made her sleepy. Her parents insisted she go to tutoring or be behind one week of class. Yeah, tell her seven missing assignments that. I coughed out a huge chunk of dark mucus one morning and called in sick and was ill for a whole ‘nother week too because of that kid.
During the summer, I taught a kid who loved to pick his nose. He had a bunch of missing assignments and to be honest, I sometimes prayed that he didn’t turn in those assignments just so I could avoid discovering gold on any paper I would receive from him. And you know which kind of gold I am talking about. It didn’t comfort me either when the other students claimed that every time they turned the classroom doorknob after he did, the knob was wet. God, help me.
Oh, and this one time, a student came back from the bathroom after only less than a minute. I asked him if he washed his hands. “Nope” was his answer and he looked so proud of himself like he won an award. Yes, my girl students and I all avoided anything he touched that day.
This other time, a kid said that he didn’t want a piece of candy and tossed it into the trash. A second kid wanted it and actually dug through the entire filled trash can for that ONE piece of candy. Just when he was about to put it into his mouth, I told him to drop it and wash his hands. I’ll give you any candy you want, just please, please, please, don’t let me know and witness ANYONE doing that. It’s not worth it for one piece of candy.
2. Immature comments
Image from Boredpanda
Kids are adorable. Some of them are really generous and kind sweethearts. And while I am still debating whether I want kids of my own (I am 90% certain I will have kids, just not right now. I need some distance, people!), there are some kids that make you question why you would ever push a crying seven to ten pound baby out your other end as a woman.
I love teaching and tutoring. But sometimes, there are just really, really aggravating comments at misopportuned times. Like say when I am helping another student with their homework on a time crunch — I don’t get paid after tutoring classes end so I have to really grind to make sure I finish checking all homework before that time approaches — I get bombarded repeatedly with so many other requests.
“Miss Donuts, can I use the restroom?”
“Miss Donuts, can I go get water?”
“Miss Donuts, I don’t get this.” [kid hasn’t even read the directions yet]
“Miss Donuts, Dylan’s hitting me.”
Look, I know that teachers have to deal with that and kids are demanding. That’s normal behavior. But when you have nine to eleven kids doing that on top of trying to keep the noise level down so you can concentrate on grading the huge pile of homework in your hands while also helping another student AND not losing track of where you are checking a homework, you start to stress a little.
Or maybe a lot.
And sometimes, you want a nice class that runs smoothly without any interruption because you said one trigger word. Say for example, we’re talking about what are methods people use to keep themselves awake if they are tired? A kid says “napping”; another says “sleeping earlier”; sure, those are reasonable answers. A third kid says “coffee.” Awesome, we have someone with a good answer.
Then a kid says “I don’t like coffee but I like the one from Starbucks.”
“Thank you for sharing, Derek. Let’s move on with class and not get distracted.”
Derek decides let’s continue discussing his sweet tooth. “My favorite is caramel frap.”
“Okay, Derek, we’re going to move on now.”
“What’s your favorite coffee, Miss Donuts?”
“We’ll discuss that after class is over.”
Kid decides to scream and have a tantrum.
Someone please put me out of my misery.
3. Rude Behavior and Comments
Image from Pinterest
Yes, kids say some of the stupidest things. Yes, they say unnecessary crap sometimes. Yes, I can ignore them. But sometimes, you’re not in the mood. And your inner sass comes out when they say rude things such as “what do you want, lady?” when you call them over to you because you want them to help them correct the thousands of mistakes they made on their homework because they just wanted to finish the assignment and not do it because they want to learn.
I took my students out to a local store during their break to buy french fries for a snack and I bought one for the class to share. A kid who had his own bag of fries took some from my bag that were for the students who couldn’t afford the snack and when he scrambled to take the last few fries, he made the empty bag fall to the floor. I picked it up to tell him that if he was going to take the last fries, he might as well throw the trash away and not leave it in the classroom for the custodian to pick up. Yup, he threw it back in my face. Let’s just say his parent-teacher conference was intense.
I talk a lot as a teacher. I’m expected to. And well, guess what I breath in sometimes? Yes, someone’s fart.
Through.
My.
Mouth.
Is it possible to taste bad air? No need for research my friends; I can tell you it’s possible.
4. Noise
When they say that girls are angels and boys are satanic, there is some truth to that. My classroom’s most noisy students are always the boys. Whether they’re giggling over a childish joke, ratting each other out, wrestling each other behind my back, or joking about Hitler and communism. I blame the testosterone running through their veins.
Anyone here ever heard of R. Kelly’s song “Shut Up”? That becomes your theme song throughout the day just to keep yourself sane. No, the chorus part and not the rest of the song.
5. Impatience
Image from Winkgo
I used to be okay with tutoring a fifth grade student who didn’t know basic math concepts such as what numbers are odd and which are even; how many months are in a year; and that there are five minutes between each number on a clock. My friend/coworker admired me for such patience and even said she’d rather take on three of my worst students than deal with tutoring someone who was that behind in school.
But apparently even I have my limits. When you’re multitasking between controlling class volume because you don’t want your manager looking into your classroom every two minutes, checking homework on a time crunch, and helping another student with their homework, your patience begins to fall short when you’re being poked every few seconds. Kids who don’t even have the basic independence to read the directions before asking for help or claiming they do not understand their assignment.
I know you need help, Jimmy; but you’re not on fire so I’m sure you can wait your turn while I help Bethany over here try to figure out that any number times 1 is itself and you don’t actually have to multiply 12 x 1 out one number at a time to solve the problem!
6. My impatience
Image from Boredpanda
I don’t mind repeating myself, but when they all come in succession, boy, does my blood boil.
One time, we were grading a homework assignment as a class. The answers were written on the board, but we still had questions such as “Teacher, what is the answer for number sixteen again?”
“Look at the board, Thomas.”
“Teacher, what is the answer for number sixteen?”
“It’s on the board, David.”
“Teacher, what’s number sixteen?”
“On the board, dear.”
“What’s number six–”
It’s only September and I want Summer Break again.
And when you give an explanation on how to do an assignment, I know to be prepared to repeat it about at least two more times. Yet, somehow–SOMEHOW, there’s this ONE kid who just didn’t give a damn and did the assignment completely wrong anyway because that kid just wants to picture you screaming into a pillow at home when it’s time for you to grade their work. You’re not special, Joseph!!!!
Sometimes, while you’re trying to juggle helping Harry, Bill, Susan, and Holly all at the same moment, little Teddy coming in to announce that he’s done with that extra work you just pulled out from thin air just to keep him busy is not a good time to celebrate accomplishments.
7. Time
Again, I don’t get paid for any extra time I stay back for work. I tell the kids repeatedly throughout the tutoring session that they should finish their homework before playing. No, this kid decides to play with her slime while doing her homework. We end up spending 45 WHOLE ENTIRE minutes after everyone has left the office to finish her homework. Life’s a bitch sometimes.
8. Expectations vs. reality
Image from Facultyloungers
Honestly, only teachers and tutors understand each other. My office manager didn’t understand that kids don’t operate and listen to you if you scream at them all the time or just simply be strict and discipline them. Kids really listen to you when you give them positive reinforcement, compliments, and when you go broke bribing them with treats. I swear to God, the last one is the most true and someone should thank the person who invented candy and sugar. Because that shit has saved my life for the past year.
When I am talking about people with unrealistic expectations, you can count my Office Manager again, being on this list.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
I still have PTSD from the time back in May when students have State Testing. This one student enrolled in the GATE program (Gifted and Talented Education) brought in TWENTY.
That’s right, you read that right: TWO-ZERO.
TWENTY pages of homework.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Yes. Twenty.
Did I mention twenty?
I have nine other students whose homework I also had to grade. And I had to do that all in under two and a half hours.
After three weeks of that sweet torture, I go to my Office Manager and finally ask, “Hi, Daisy’s been bringing in twenty pages of homework in lately. Am I expected to grade ALL of them when I have nine other students’ homework to grade?”
“Her parents are paying you to do that and whatever she finishes must be graded.”
UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
There are TEN students in that class and I am being paid about $20. So for about roughly $2 each I am grading one kid’s entire packet every day. Even Chicken Nuggets cost more than my blood, sweat, and tears.
Parents are also ridiculous too. Like I mentioned earlier, there was this one student who came to tutoring with seven missing assignments for three weeks. Her parents told me to keep pushing her and to time her for every assignment. But when your daughter is sleeping in my class, what am I supposed to do, tape her eyes open?!! I’m sorry I have nine other students to worry about, one of which has again TWENTY *%@&ing pages to be checked. Oh, and there are a bunch of students asking to get water, go to the bathroom, and have to be told not to walk on tables. (YES, we have THOSE students too). So EXCUSE ME if I don’t have time to sit there and stare at your daughter to make her uncomfortable enough to move or at the least bit, STAY AWAKE!
So before you think I am insane, I’ll just take my leave now. This experience was told for the purpose of comedy. Please do not take it to mean that I hate kids (although I am reconsidering having some of my own) or that I had it so bad. I know there are worse occupations than mine; for instance, nurses, police officers, and firefighters.
I know there might be someone in the comments who will ask, why don’t you be a middle school or high school teacher or tutor?
The simple answer: their work is sometimes too complicated or I’ve forgotten how to do that problem.
Elementary students most often have basic and simple homework that are quick to solve…although their homework load can sometimes be equivalent to a high schooler’s. Plus, I am short and I don’t want to deal with rebellious and disobedient tall middle schoolers and high schoolers. Elementary school students are generally shorter than me, if not my height, and I can deal with them because well I have at least ten years more wisdom than they do.
Clarification: I understand that what teachers do is important for the future generation and it’s rewarding to them as individuals. I know that I did not have it as bad as a real teacher who oftentimes has more than twenty students compared to my measly ten or eleven. I just came to realize that this profession is not it for me and this is my comedic take on it. I did not intend to offend anyone who is a teacher or mock the profession.
So, do you guys have funny work stories? Ever been pushed to the brink of quitting your job because of the stuff you had to deal with? If so, please share with me your funny moments!