Personally, someone teaching me or me teaching someone how to give pleasure has got to be one of the hottest things ever. You can role play and it’s about you receiving pleasure while they’re learning! How is that a losing situation at all? The trade-off is only time and patience–but you’re enjoying or will be the one enjoying the results and payoff!

Welcome back guys! I hope you all have been doing well, and are safe and healthy.

Today, we’ll be finishing up the second half of the Sex portion of The 75+ Lessons You Should Know Before Dating blog series. As always, here’s the recap right underneath. You can click on any lesson to be taken to the post it was discussed in.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

So let’s dive right in!

51. Know the 3 G’s to Sex: Good, Giving, and Game

A.K.A GGG. Coined by sex columnist Dan Savage, “it means being ‘good in bed,’ ‘giving of equal time and equal pleasure,’ and being ‘game for anything–within reason.'”

If you want to be good at sex, it means studying up on it! So, learn your anatomy, learn what makes you feel good (explore!), AND apply it all during sex.

Sex isn’t just about you either! It’s also about giving, specifically giving attention to your partner, too! Yes, you should be enjoying it and receiving pleasure, but make sure your partner is enjoying the act with you as well.

Lastly, being game means being down to try new things in the bedroom. Try anything you or your partner wants, as long as it does not *traumatize* or hurt either of you. Be creative, adventurous, and open-minded! That way, you have a healthy, good, fun, and evolving relationship (and sex life!) that’s not boring, lazy, inconsiderate, stagnate, or dead.

52. Good Sex Takes Time, Patience, Communication, and Practice. If Your Partner is Not Patient During Sex, Leave Their Selfish Behind.

Sex is supposed to be fun.

For BOTH parties.

And in order to have fun and to experience great sex, both people have to be actively participating, constantly communicating, and able to be patient.

Sex can get clumsy and awkward and for a first timer, it can be overwhelming. You’re trying to accustom yourself to a new activity while simultaneously experiencing new sensations. This doesn’t only apply to newbies, either. Even with people who have already experienced sex, it takes time to get adjusted to a new partner’s body, preference, and rhythm.

Regardless, if someone is inexperienced and the other person is not willing to be patient and teach, then leave them (the inexperienced person should leave the experienced).

Why?

The experienced person is only after their fun and pleasure.

You should not be treated as if you’re an escort, prostitute, hooker, or sex toy (unless you’re into that) and be used solely for the other person’s satisfaction.

Everyone deserves respect–even people employed for sex!

Therefore, both people who engage in the act deserve to have an equal amount of fun. Don’t use people just for your own fun and pleasure. Don’t dehumanize or degrade them either…unless they’re into it, are okay with it, and/or asked for it specifically.

This (that both parties have fun and enjoy sex) is especially important if you consider sex as a meaningful act and/or are new to it. If someone is not willing to wait for you to be comfortable, obtain your permission to have sex, and especially when they are not patient in teaching you how sex works, leave them.

Like Dan Rather said, to experience good sex, you have to be good at it. And how do you get good at it?

By PRACTICING!

Sex can get awkward and weird. So if you want to get good at it, that takes time, practice AND a patient, kind, ENCOURAGING teacher.

Anyone who rushes you into sex and to carry it out fast, only wants one thing: their orgasm. They’re not looking out for you, do not care about you or your pleasure and satisfaction. Leave that selfish person. They’re not worth your time and effort, and do not deserve the pleasure, so don’t give it to them.

Think about it. Have you learned anything well in your life with someone yelling at you, rushing you, or criticizing you as you practice a new skill? I don’t think so. Such methods are anxiety-inducing and result in a horrible (and sometimes traumatic) learning experience! In the end, you’re not learning. You’re just doing the skill to avoid continually getting screamed at!

This also applies to if you’re already experienced with sex, but have a new partner. Like I said above, it takes time to find a rhythm between new people. You might like something and the other person doesn’t. It takes communication and patience. So, even if both partners are experienced, it takes time to make the sex wildly amazing, mind-blowing, and unspeakably pleasurable. All you need is time, patience, communication, and practice.

And if your partner doesn’t have the time, communication skills, or patience to wait until you both find your sync and rhythm, and only focuses on their pleasure, leave them. Additionally, if you’re inexperienced and they can’t even try to let you PRACTICE to get better, leave their selfish behind, too!

SIDE NOTE: Personally, someone teaching me or me teaching someone how to give pleasure has got to be one of the hottest things ever. You can role play and it’s about you receiving pleasure while they’re learning! How is that a losing situation at all? The trade-off is only time and patience–but you’re enjoying or will be the one enjoying the results and payoff!

Oh, and speaking about being good at sex, let’s talk about the other two G’s again!

REMINDER: Good sex also requires BOTH partners be GIVING.

One person should NOT be the only one giving while the other one only receives.

In other words, one person should not be the ONLY one cumming. If you cum, be a good, kind, considerate, and decent human being and return the favor. Make sure the other person is rewarded, too, for getting you there. Don’t do that thing some men brag about, which is the “wham, bam, thank you, m’am.”

I’ll take this opportunity now to advocate for women.

There’s this idea going around that many women cannot orgasm on just vaginal sex alone. Yet, some women can. Although, many women have a harder time getting there, that doesn’t mean she cannot or should never experience an orgasm at all.

How about instead of giving up and only trying to shove yourself into a woman and expecting her to get there through that alone, help her find other ways to orgasm, too?

Some people may argue you should explore your own body and it is your responsibility to get to orgasm yourself. However, sex is a cooperative activity and is much different than masturbation. Moreover, if you want to be good at sex you have to be one, giving–so willing to give her some effort and her right to an orgasm, too, especially if she gave you one–and game to try other methods to help get her there.

My rule is this: if you orgasmed, make sure the other person does, too.

One person should not be the only person having fun and should not be expected to be there only for the other person’s pleasure, leaving dissatisfied and used. Both people deserve to have fun and enjoy themselves. Don’t be a selfish lover. If you are, do not be surprise if you die alone.

53. If You Consented to Having Mutual Sex, You Should Not Be Used As If You Are Someone’s Sex Toy

You have every right to experience an orgasm. Like we’ve discussed before, sex should be a fun thing for BOTH people involved (or all parties, if you’re into that). That means you both need to consider the other person’s pleasure and satisfaction, too.

Remember the 3 G’s: Good, Giving, and Game? Well to be good, you have to practice; so you need patience. And to have good sex, you also have to be willing to be giving rather than only receiving…or just doing. Sex should not be about one person cumming and then telling the other person that they are responsible for their own climax. Like in Lesson 52, if you or someone thinks like that, do not ever question why no one wants to have sex with you or that person.

Even though I am giving relationship advice, it should be obvious that you should not go around using people and treating them like a hole that needs to be plugged or a stick that needs some warming. You’re doing it with a human, not a pie or a dildo. This goes for one night stands, too. Even if you will never have to see them again, have some courtesy and decency to treat them well enough for having given you their time and effort.

54. Dating Has Double Standards: Giving Sex Out Early May Mean Your Date Won’t Take You Seriously

Some men think women who give it out early–for instance, having sex early in the relationship and especially on the first date–should not be taken seriously. Why? Because if they are that “easy,” then they are assumed to be giving it to other men and are therefore, not relationship (or even marriage) material.

Basically, it’s the mentality that if you can get the milk for free, why buy the cow?

There are two problems with that mindset. One, it is essentially saying there is no worth to a woman because she is promiscuous. Two, it is comparing women to cows.

Do you know what I say to that?

Hell no.

Women can have sex like men can and they are not and should not be called “sluts” or “hoes” (or “cows”) just because they want to enjoy sex, and explore their bodies and sexuality.

If men can be able to enjoy sex and have a “bachelor life,” then women can, too.

Another factor that such statements about women ignore is the blame the other person should receive, TOO, for engaging in that early or first-date sex. Oh, she’s “easy” for having slept with you that early. Uh, but didn’t YOU also sleep with her?

You know, while we’re at it, I want to bring up another hypocrisy. Some men like to accuse a woman of being a “hoe” for sleeping around. However, when she’s not acting like a minx in bed because she’s inexperienced, she’s also criticized for sucking at sex or being boring in bed.

So, you want her to not sleep around, yet you want her to magically know how to give you a climax if she has never had the chance (or many chances) to practice sex either?

How does that work?

Practice takes time. And to be honest, I think a person’s sexual history is their business unless it infringes on your health, safety, and life. Meaning if they have a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) that should be disclosed to you. Other than that, unless it is an honestly good reason, don’t bother asking or judging. Mind your own damn business.

Now, again, what I discussed above does NOT apply to all men or to all women.

I just want to say that if anyone thinks you’re “cheap” or “easy”; sees you as less than; or devalues you just because you CHOSE to dish out sex early, TURN IT BACK ON THEM.

THEY also choose to have sex with you early, too; so call them out for participating and THEN leave their judgmental and/or misogynistic behind. They can take their Stone Age values someplace else.

They are guilty in assisting or being as much of an accomplice in the crime (sex) as much as you are. ;-D

Oh, and one final food for thought. Isn’t it funny when these judgmental people call others who give out sex early and “easily” names such as “cheap” and “slut,” but don’t look at themselves for not having the so-called standards or the ability to what,–*gasp*–REJECT the offered sex? Oh, they can look down on people who offer to have sex with them, but they can’t, themselves, have any POWER to reject the person offering it?

Who’s “easy” now? Whose resolve is actually weak? Who is really cheap?

You tell me.

55. Be Careful with Friends with Benefits Relationships / Arrangements

Just like how if you use sex as a way to bait, hook, and reel a date into a relationship with you, the method of trying to use sex to get to know someone and hope it turns into a relationship MAY backfire as well.

Some people use sex as a way to scratch an itch–not that I blame them.

Sex is normal!

However, if you’re hoping for something real to develop from a relationship that starts out based on sex alone–A.K.A a Friends with Benefits agreement, don’t hope for or expect anything more.

If you agreed to such an arrangement, the other person will most likely believe that is ALL you want. And they have every right to take you on your word.

Of course, there have been exceptions and stories of Friends with Benefits falling in love and becoming official.

HOWEVER!

However, do not think that just because there are stories like that–that people HAVE fallen in love that way and have developed a relationship from that kind of agreement–that it will or MIGHT happen to YOU.

First of all, there are many different factors that go into an official relationship blooming naturally from such an agreement. One of which is the PEOPLE INVOLVED. You and your person of interest are the NOT the EXACT same people as the couple in the stories you’ve heard. So don’t get your hopes up!!!

It is POSSIBLE, but not guaranteed.

So do not pray for it and do not hope that it will happen because you might just end up disappointed.

As I’ve said before, sometimes, the other person may just be looking for someone to scratch their itch and you just happen to be someone who they can see doing that for them. Hey, you’re conveniently around and/or agreed to this setup. You’re attractive enough to envision doing this with multiple times. Plus, with the real possibility of STDs, they might just be more comfortable knowing at least they won’t be getting any STD if they’re doing it with one person (and someone who doesn’t have an STD). Lastly, being their friend with benefits guarantees some level of comfort and familiarity; you know, someone who at least is getting to know what they want every time you guys engage in sex. This way, they don’t have to teach or worry about showing a new person how to get them off each time they do the deed. In other words, they get to live the life of having a person who guarantees them a climax each time they have sex without having the burden of committing to a relationship or title.

If that thought bothers you, perhaps casual sex and this type of arrangement/agreement isn’t your thing and that’s totally okay. Not everyone was built the same way.

Friendly reminder: do not compare yourself to others!

Fundamentally, what I am saying is BE CAREFUL with how you approach this type of situation. Imagine how hurt you’ll be if you are hoping for this Friends with Benefits arrangement to become something and the other person never sees you that way, now and in the future. You’re looking for someone to cherish you while they’re just using you to satisfy a normal urge. No one is wrong here for choosing and standing by what they want. They deserve to.

REMEMBER: if you value sex and see yourself being hurt by this kind of setup, don’t agree to it. It’s your choice, too, to take a part in this or not.

Do not let anyone take away your power to choose what is best for YOU.

56. Do Not Go Back to Your Date’s Place on the First Date (or First Few)

Especially if you guys met online.

Why? Because unless you’re seeing a mutual friend, you don’t know WHO you’re meeting on those online dating apps. Sure, vetting them via text messages and phone calls a few days or weeks before meeting up is a good idea; however, some people are good at pretending to be someone they are not to catch their prey.

Hey, it’s happened to me twice!

Look, you don’t have to take my advice and you might think I am paranoid. Moreover, you may say that these occurrences of meeting someone potentially dangerous rarely happen. Regardless, do not let it happen to YOU.

Be careful and stay safe!

On that note, I’ll end this post with the last two lessons (this one and the next) talking about SAFE SEX.

Because this is extremely important.

While I do not want my readers to ever be heartbroken and to have the chance of finding real, fulfilling love, I also want them to have a healthy and safe sex life. And that includes physical health and physical safety, too.

Do NOT go back to your date’s place on the first date or first few dates unless they can PROVE they are safe on the first date–again, that’s iffy because some people are good actors. If you do decide to go there, make sure someone knows where you are at the very least. Have them track you and your location via an app you can download onto your phone.

Again, a WARNING if you met your date online: ANYONE can be on those dating apps (especially if it’s FREE!). Sexual predators, criminals, murderers, crazies, whatever. It doesn’t matter if they’re handsome or are good on paper. Hey, if a doctor and priest can be a child molester, what makes you think your date is any safer than them?

You have every right to believe that this world is safe. However, not everyone has your best interest in mind, so

please look out for yourself and think beyond your date’s charms, good looks, and resume.

There are some crazy, sociopathic, sadistic, and/or extremely evil people out there. Do not think this world is a safe place. You may have gotten lucky once, but don’t test your fortune.

Call or text someone you trust if you will go to your date’s place on the first date or first few dates. Give them the address. Download and turn on a tracker on your phone before the date. I don’t want to hear on the news of a dead body discovered inside a predator’s house after a “date”-gone-wrong.

Protect yourself and be wise.

Establish trust and build a relationship first before you head to a stranger’s place. Knowing someone takes time. Be patient!

Don’t think with your private parts either!

There’s a difference between actually knowing someone and getting a sense of someone.

Hence, please, please, safety first, before you go there to get intimate or to continue and prolong your date. This goes for the reverse, too. Do not invite strangers to your place so easily. They now know where you live. But do you know this person and trust them enough not to stalk or do something dangerous to you when things don’t end well between you two?

Also, if you want a one-night stand, go for it! But make sure first that you’re in good and safe company. I’d be careful though…

Remember what I said about thinking when your blood flow is not in the right place?

57. If They Don’t Wear A Condom or Show You Some Paperwork–Get Out of There!

If you’re a woman and you’re seeing a guy who refuses to use a condom the first time you guys do it,

get the hell away from him.

Unless he willingly and actually freely volunteers paperwork proving that he is clean and STD-free, THEN you can go ahead and enjoy sex with him.

Otherwise, you have been warned that STDs and pregnancy (if you don’t have contraception(s) of your own) are

real POSSIBILITIES

and you shouldn’t mess around with such serious, life-changing chances.

It’s not fun to lie there all night waiting for your STD test results or to pray for your period to come.

Or not.

In my post about boundaries in dating, I had said that no one should ever pressure you into anything—especially anything you do not want, do not agree with, are not comfortable doing, and/or do not consent to because YOU are the one who will live with the results.

Especially if you are a woman.

You will be the one dealing with the unplanned pregnancy; you will be the one dealing with the STD–which, by the way, is usually more serious and worse than when it occurs in men; and if you were forced into unprotected sex, it’s YOU who will have to deal with the trauma of living with an experience you didn’t want to have.

Also, someone who forced something onto you without your wholehearted consent won’t be the one sitting with you to talk about your unplanned pregnancy. No, they’ll either disappear or persuade you into getting an abortion. They won’t be the one carrying your baby or living with the body that has to grow, nurture, and bring that unplanned baby into the world. No. They won’t have to deal with the effects of a miscarriage or an abortion either.

Moreover, they won’t be there with you sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office to hear your life be change with one diagnosis. They won’t be the one listening to you scream at night from PTSD or hear you sob over the heartbreak.

And someone like that doesn’t deserve your heart or your body.

If they call you paranoid, they don’t have your personal interest in mind, either, and will not be a good person to be in–let alone have–a relationship with.

You have every right to worry and protect your body because it’s YOUR body and YOU have to deal with every effect inflicted upon it.

This all goes for men, too. Unless you want to get a girl pregnant and be a responsible father and/or risk getting STDs, don’t enter her without protection either!!!

REMEMBER: take care of yourself first, because no one else will or will be better equipped for that than YOU.

NO ONE can love you as much as YOU can love yourself. And do not expect a stranger or someone you barely know–or anyone else for the matter–to do that for you.

People can call you paranoid for worrying about pregnancy and STDs, but it’s your body, your life, and YOU will be the one dealing with the effects of your choices or whatever happens to you. NOT them. And by the way, worrying about pregnancy and STDs -IS-, in fact, a legitimate concern. Do not let anyone gaslight your feelings and worries.

Look, I don’t care how hot your date is or how badly you want sex. Again, the best decisions are NOT made when there is not enough blood in your head. Additionally, do you think having an STD is sexy? What if things don’t work out with this person and you have sex with a different person later on in the future, but this time with an STD?

I’m NOT saying an STD defines you, but that once you have it, people will be more cautious on doing it with you. They have a right to! I mean, it is their health on the line.

And if you think you can hide that you have an STD, you’re morally bankrupt.

Back to my point: Who gives a damn either if your dates SAYS they don’t have an STD. It’s only WORDS!

Do NOT be stupid like me and take their word for it! This dummy right here got lucky. Maybe YOU won’t. Therefore, check their paperwork and

MAKE SURE IT’S CURRENT!

People can be liars and STDs affect men DIFFERENTLY than they do women. In most cases, the worst possible thing that can happen to men is becoming sterile while women have to deal with

infertility;
STD(s) being present during pregnancy AND labor;
passing STD(s) to the baby after birth via labor or breast milk;
various kinds of cancers;
and/or death.

Yes, live up your life because you only live once. Or.

Fuck up your life and live to regret it every single day for the rest of your life.

It’s your choice.

Look, it’s your body and I’m just a person on the internet giving free advice.

YOU make the ultimate decision.

Just make sure, it’s best for you.

I would like to share something, though. I actually know someone who now has Stage 2 Ovarian Cancer because her ex-boyfriend had sex with another girl while she and he were on break. He didn’t show any symptoms for an STD, so when they returned briefly to a relationship and had sex, he passed it to her.

She is barely 22 and by now has just graduated college. Do you think someone that young deserves to experience something like that when her life has just started? Do YOU want to take that risk? Live a shorter life than what you should have? Or add more problems to your life? Watch out.

You only have one life and one health.

Take good care of it.

It is precious. Money and medicine cannot solve every problem in the world.

Oh, and if you do not want to be a hypocrite, come prepared! Bring your own records so that if you want to have sex and establish trust with your date, you can show them the proof that you’re safe and make it fair game to request for their documents, too.

Thank you for reading my post! Part 8 will be about Being In the Game of Dating! As in, what to do or what not to do while you’re seeing people. However, I need to take a break from talking about love and relationships first, for now. I will, instead, release other posts under different categories for the time being. If you want to be posted on the release of the next part, please subscribe to my blog! Stay safe and healthy!

The 75+ Lessons You Should Know Before Dating (Part 7)