We as Asian Americans are called out when we speak up. It needs to stop here and this is why I brought up this conversation. I am not like the generation before me who stayed silent for the sake of keeping peace or for fear of stirring controversy or causing trouble. Again, this is why I take pride in my duo identity.
Disclaimer: the featured photo for this blog post is from ABC News. All images on this post are from external sources. Click on the links in the previous line or under each image to find the original source of each image used for this post. I do not own any of the images used or take credit for them.
I want to first thank everyone who read my article “I am Asian American. Stop Asking Me Where I Am From” in its entirety on Asian Articulation or through my blog Talk with Donuts. I appreciate all who let me voice my opinion from start to finish and didn’t give up halfway and make assumptions about me before reaching the final word.
That aside, I was taken aback by the amount of likes, retweets, and dialogue that had opened up in the comment section of Asian Articulation’s tweet of my post.
I never felt important enough to feel that my voice and experience would resonate with many, even among non-Asians. I am also touched by many of the stories from readers telling me of their individual personal, sometimes disheartening experiences. This all made me glad to share my own story.
Thus, in response to the feedback I had received, I would like to post a follow-up to my first article because there are certain comments that were thought-provoking and are great examples to illustrate why hyphenated identity is a complex issue. I found some people alarmingly brushing it aside as a minor issue not worth any attention, time, or reaction; I have to disagree and this is exactly WHY I am discussing this very topic.
In this post, I will show screenshots of specific comments that I believe would help me breakdown this topic more thoroughly. I didn’t want to post the Twitter handle out of respect for the user’s privacy (even if it is social media), but also because their identity is not relevant to my discussion as much as the topic is the center of my focus.
I do want to clarify first and foremost that by including these screenshots in my discussion, I am in no way ridiculing these people. My intention for including their comments is to allow my readers to see what I had received and that these comments will be used only to enhance and support my discussion. These people helped me to broaden and develop my argument. I do not hold any negative feelings against any of their words or thoughts. They are free to express their opinions just as I am for mine.
So here is Twitter User #1:
Twitter User #1
I found this response hard to wrap my mind around because it was contradictory. If I identify as a Vietnamese-American, then of course I am proud of my uniqueness as a Vietnamese person contributing to America’s diversity. My intention in my previous article was to call out that high school teacher who had said there is no such thing as a Vietnamese-, Korean-, Filipino-, or any other Asian country- American. He believed there is only the American identity. Therefore, I was arguing that we should have hyphenated identities to celebrate those differences and especially because we should not erase the various Asian American identities and experiences.
Therefore, if by identifying as a Vietnamese-American means that I am not celebrating multiplicity, which is what the Twitter user claims “is what makes America great,” then I am lost. To be clear, I do not believe I said that our differences do not make America great. I believe what makes America beautiful is its nickname for being the melting pot of the world.
On the other hand, I will say that I agree with this Twitter user’s final line. Yes, this question (“where are you from?”), indeed, does offend me precisely because it’s not a simple black and white problem. There are definitely many larger underlying issues.
So let’s go to these next set of comments. Personally, I think they fall under the same umbrella and I want to address them all in one go as I tackle the larger underlying issues. The reason why I would label them under one category is due to the fact that they play into the stereotypes and myths of the Asian American identity and our presence in America.
Twitter User #2
Twitter User #3
Twitter User #4
According to these comments (and others like them), I was making an issue out of nothing and making this problem more complicated by asserting for hyphenated identities. These comments also asked me why I even bother labeling myself as a Vietnamese-American; in fact, why bother with hyphenations in the first place? Or even at all? It makes life harder for you and me and everyone else when we could all just make life simple and just all identify as humans.
Well, first of all, I would like to get this message across: I am here to speak my mind and to speak out against the Asian American stereotype. Would you prefer that I stay silent if there is an issue? Bow my head and keep quiet and accept how someone else labels me? Why do you want to know where I am from? Why do you get the right to ask your questions and I have no right to respond to that question? Why ask that question and then turn around and get mad that I am mad?
See, this is where the Model Minority stereotype comes in. We as Asian Americans are called out when we speak up. It needs to stop here and this is why I brought up this conversation. I am not like the generation before me who stayed silent for the sake of keeping peace or for fear of stirring controversy or causing trouble. Again, this is why I take pride in my duo identity.
While I would love to call ourselves as all humans rather than be categorized by race, something as terrible, as complicated, and as ancient as race can never disappear just because you say you want it to. In fact, it will never disappear. We all want world hunger; child poverty and starvation; terrible, infectious, fatal diseases to disappear off the face of the planet. Well, the best of us do. However, that’s never going to happen. And this type of ignorance, this way of thinking, of sweeping this issue under the rug because we don’t want to face race’s ugliness is why there will never be progress, no change, and is exactly why this conversation will always continue. If it’s not me bringing this topic into the sunlight, someone else inevitably will.
In addition, these comments again erases my identity and the experiences associated with that identity.
Identity is not an easy subject to discuss.
I cannot identify simply as American or as human because of many factors.
You’re telling me that we’re all Americans, but where was my or Asian representation in Hollywood before TV shows and movies such as Fresh Off the Boat, Crazy Rich Asians, Searching, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Always Be My Maybe came out?
Image from HuffPost Canada
Let me tell you something about my childhood. I grew up to books such as Little House on the Prairie, Ramona and Beezus, The Series of Unfortunate Events, Harry Potter, Amber Brown, Judy Blume, and books by Sharon Creech. I grew up to Disney Princesses who looked nothing like me (I hear you people in the back calling out Mulan. Oh look, the ONE “princess.” She wasn’t a princess! She was a warrior!). I grew up loving what never reflected me–appreciating people I never saw in my own mirror.
Having black hair, brown eyes, a different colored skin was not what Hollywood and magazines were telling me was beautiful. I know a six grade Vietnamese girl who wants to get a nose job because she believes her nose is not as pretty as what she sees in the media. Who is going to tell all the other little girls and boys out there that it’s okay to look as you are? Who is going to tell a whole generation of Asian Americans, those of us who grew up before Fresh Off the Boat made its debut, the same thing? That they’re beautiful with their non-slender nose, their brown eyes, their black hair?
Image from Buzzfeed
Of course, now with the release of these works, there is some representation in Hollywood. Asian Americans are not invisible anymore. Regardless, even if the media is now “woke” to the need for Asian representation in Hollywood, we’re not where we should be yet and there are still other areas that need lots of work. For instance, can we really be all Americans when some of my brothers and sisters working in companies and other professional careers always have to face the challenge of the Bamboo Ceiling everyday? Are we really all Americans when Asian Americans are denied opportunities to climb to top or leadership positions and their voices aren’t heard or are dismissed despite their hard work and merits? Or when they’re not even given a seat at the table to make important decisions?
These are just a couple of the underlying factors that make asking the question “where are you from” offensive to me. When combined with statements that I should not identify as hyphenated; that we’re all humans; that this isn’t even a problem–it’s only a problem because I am making it a problem; and with the realities of our experiences in America living as Asians, I can’t help but feel disheartened.
There is still an immense amount of other issues I cannot possibly cover. Yet, they are there, and they persist. Without any awareness and discussions about them, they will continue to worsen and fester. Topics such as this one need to be out there to let people know and talk about them because no one else is speaking up about it. Or even if they do, it’s forgotten or lost.
Here are a few other comments that I had received and appreciated because they challenged me to consider other factors.
Twitter User #5
Personally, I don’t ask people whether they’re Italian, Polish, Swedish, etc. merely because as other people have said, “we’re all Americans.” I find other things to talk about other than someone’s appearance when encountering someone new who looks different from me. However, if someone volunteered to disclose that information, I take it as an icebreaker and continue the conversation with that subject as the centerpiece.
I will admit that when I meet someone with an accent, I do ask them if they are from say, the UK or Australia, if I recognize its origins. And this is what I found interesting and why I wanted to post this comment in this article to dissect. The British accent is celebrated as making the speaker sound smart; I’m thinking of Sherlock Holmes and Bond. And the Australian accent just sounds cool and friendly. The French and Spanish accent sound romantic and seductive. Yet, how come when one hears the broken Asian accent, it’s made fun of? Who is to blame for this? Is it the media?
So maybe that’s another underlying issue.
Here is another comment:
Twitter User #6
No, I do not feel better than other Asians by claiming this identity of Asian- American or Vietnamese-American. I claim my hyphenated identity to show my pride in my beauty: the color of my skin, hair, and eyes; my triumph over my own struggles to accept that beauty growing up in an environment that did not promote that thinking; my love for my culture as an Asian person; and my appreciation for where I was actually born as an American.
Let me put it this way. One of the things I respect and found resonance in was the campaign to celebrate beauty in the African American community. They have this movement called Black is Beautiful. The intention of this campaign is to counteract racism in the American society and media that told African individuals that their natural features were supposedly “ugly.” For instance, it encouraged African American individuals to not straighten their hair or bleach their skin in an attempt to conform to the beauty standards of white people.
The power of the media is incredibly strong. I grew up thinking that if I was a good little angel like Cinderella and other innocent princesses, a boy would like me no matter what. That’s all I thought was the standard for relationships. It took me years in my late teens and early twenties to realize that relationships don’t blossom from that factor alone. However, my point is, whatever a child consumes in their developmental years affects them and stays with them, even into adulthood.
As I was growing up, I knew I was born in America, understood that I was American. However, this belief was challenged when people asked me where I was from and became confused when I answered “California.” It got harder to feel American when you grow up realizing you’re not represented in the TV shows, movies, and characters you adored; in the books you cherished and memorized by heart; or even in your personal day-to-day life at work.
Twitter User #7
I know that there are some good people out there. And those people, when asking this question especially if they’re travelers, may be trying to connect with me, like this commenter is saying. On the contrary, no one is there when I am being asked that question. There are many other people like me being asked that same very question and I am sure that we know what their real motives are which is different from this commenter’s intention. I felt “other” when they asked it. I have felt it before.
When I was a little kid, I entered a Target store with my father on the “EXIT” side. We weren’t blocking anyone as we entered, but someone immediately confronted us, asking:
“do you not know how to read English?”
I am sure some “real” Americans have been asked that, but as a 9-year-old Asian girl, I understood the impact of the color of my skin that day. At such a young age, that left a toll on me. I still remember how small I felt that day. I am angry remembering how shocked and confused I was seeing my dad pull me back outside to enter the store under the “ENTER” door. This is only one such incident in my life. It was a minuscule, brief error that I carry with me even until today.
You tell me I am included and I’m sure I am when in the presence of kind, compassionate, “woke” people. However, I didn’t feel included that day, I did not feel American that day, in that moment when I and my father was treated in that manner.
I understand that this is something I should eventually let go and know that there are other, better people out there. Yet, it doesn’t happen to only me. It happens to other people as well. And it didn’t just happen more than a decade ago. It still happens today. To me and to other Asian Americans/Asians, too.
Here’s another point I would like to bring up. Most people are aware now that when dealing with someone who is considering suicide or is currently feeling overwhelmed, lost, or alone, that you should not minimize their problems. You should validate their emotions and let them know that they are being heard. When I hear people tell me that we’re all Americans, that there’s no such thing as race, something inside me twists.
Would you really say that to the little girl and her father more than a decade ago that they are American after someone had just asked if she and her Asian dad knew how to read English? Am I really American, if I am asked that question? If my dad is asked that question? I’m sure the color of our skin made it easy for us to be asked that. If you wouldn’t minimize the problems of someone who is suffering psychologically, why would you minimize my problem and experiences by telling me this is a nonissue or that there is no race, that we’re all just humans?
I have never forgotten how I felt that day. To this very day, every time I enter any store now, I always make sure to read before I enter. Like I said previously, you can’t undo what a child grew up with and what left a lasting mark on them growing up.
To wrap up this article I would like to make a final series of statements:
I am American. I am proud of the rights I have to speak my mind and to live in a country where there are opportunities to work hard and achieve your dreams. Everyone has a chance to obtain this precious and treasured idea of the American Dream.
I call myself a Vietnamese-American because I am proud of the color of my skin, hair, and eyes despite originally never seeing that be represented in the media; despite growing up not feeling that I, too, am beautiful; despite all the looks I receive when I wear my motherland’s traditional dress out in public; and despite being called an American, but having had been denied the opportunities that other “real” Americans receive.
I identify as Vietnamese-American so that my experiences living with those two identities will NOT be erased: the pain of growing up feeling American inside, but being treated by what others see: an Asian girl.
I am proud to be a combination of both Asian and American. I can speak two languages and see two opposing views of the world: Western and Eastern, individual-focused and community-focused.
This may be a little sidetracked, but I have never finished reading The Sympathizer, a book by Pulitzer Prize winning author Viet Thanh Nguyen. A key takeaway from that book that I was able to read was that seeing two sides of any situation can be both a gift and a curse. Similarly, being able to see the world in both an Asian and an American viewpoint has been an interesting, yet sometimes displeasing experience. Nonetheless, the contrasting experiences have allowed me to grow wiser and think more critically. It has allowed me the blessing of empathizing with both cultures and made me a more unique, open, and compassionate individual.
Thank you for reading this until the end. I came into this piece with a different intention, but did not realize that it would become an emotionally raw article that took a lot out of me. I now look at myself and feel quite differently, observing the results. I think though that I was able to really express some of the thoughts I was repressing and struggling to explain and understand even for and of myself.
I look forward to the discussions that will open as a result of this post’s release. Please share with me your thoughts and experiences. I do enjoy reaching out and connecting with people, Asians and non-Asians alike.